Where is the longing?

"As a deer pants for the water brooks, so my soul pants for you, O God. My soul thirsts for God, for the living God" (Psalm 42:1-2). Not only did I learn this verse as a young child, but someone along the way put it into a song that I remember singing a lot. Needless to say, it is not only a verse, but a concept that is very familiar. There in would lie the ultimate problem. Could the idiom, "Familiarity breeds contempt" apply to Scripture? Or worse could it apply to our relationship with God.

Obviously if it does, it points out where the problem lies... within our own hearts. At moments like these when my heart seemingly drifts away from the one and only source of life and from the Creator God who loves me and is constantly pursuing me, I am reminded that my only source of satisfaction is found in Him. My only source for life comes from Him. I need Him and should desire Him as much as a deer longs for water... or as much as I need water. The Psalmist goes on to say in Psalm 63, " O God, you are my God, I seek you, my soul thirsts for you; my flesh faints for you, as in a dry and weary land where there is no water. So I have looked upon you in the sanctuary, beholding your power and glory" (vs. 1-2).

That is the essence of what it means to love God - to long for Him and find satisfaction in Him. John Piper says it well, "God is most glorified in me, when I am most satisfied in Him." It seems so simple in concept yet so amazingly difficult in application.

I find that I can be so easily drawn into the trappings of this world and consumed with the ritual of 'life' that I lose the longing. I dream of the day when creation is reordered and our lives truly find and reach complete satisfaction in Him... in His presence. Until that day, we are challenged to live a life of longing... of continual pursuit of a God who loves us and gave Himself for us. By His amazing grace, He is sanctifying us and creating a deeper thirst in us as our journey continues. I have tasted that the Lord is good and I want to spend my days in a satisfied relationship with Him, all the while inviting others to come and find satisfaction in the living water that never runs dry!

Eyes for the Future

"Only when we have come in touch with our own life experiences and have learned to listen to our inner cravings for liberation and new life can we realize that Jesus did not just speak, but that he reached out to us in our most personal needs. The Gospel doesn't just contain ideas worth remembering. It is a message responding to our individual human condition. The Church is not an institution forcing us to follow its rules. It is a community of people inviting us to still our hunger and thirst at its tables. Doctrines are not alien formulations which we must adhere to but the documentation of the most profound human experiences which, transcending time and place, are handed over from generation to generation as a light in our darkness." -- From Reaching Out by Henri Nouwen

After my time in Nicaragua, and really my journey through this summer, God has been working in my life in a powerful way. It seems He is calling me out for something much bigger than myself, and then through people and circumstances keeps affirming that calling. To be honest it is scary and exciting all rolled up in one.

This morning during my TAWG, I read this quote from Nouwen and it really put into words my journey. At times I feel like Jeremiah responding to God with, "Who me?"... surely there could be someone else! Yet God replies, "This is what I created you for!"

I love the Gospel. I need the Gospel. I'm aware of that more and more everyday. I love the Church and have given my life to it, and by God's grace will continue to. I often ache when thinking about the future of the Church - especially the generations present that are walking away and the future generations that will start with no connection. Yet the power of the Holy Spirit is alive and active. There is a message to take to the nations. Light will always pierce through the darkness... and we are called to be the light bearers.

So where do I fit into this Gospel community? What is God calling me to? I can't say I have complete answers to all the questions I have, but I pray God will continue to form and shape a moldable heart and spirit in me. I desire to live a life characterized by obedience... to life a life that matters... to live for eternity.

God I pray You would continue to be faithful to guide me into what lies ahead! Soli Deo Gloria!

Mission Nicaragua: Day 16

Our camp team has made it back home safely... after a long day of traveling that literally started with a 'bang' this morning. We had to be up by 4am to make the journey to the airport for the first leg of our flight back to the States.

I would say that most of us have all returned with mixed emotions. I know for me after being in Nicaragua for the whole sixteen days I feel like I am back in the States physically, but I have left my heart in Nicaragua. God always does such an amazing work in my heart through the beauty of the country, the time and space with Him and His Word and the amazing relationships we are able to form and forge with each visit.

Both of our teams this year served faithfully the call of Christ to take the Gospel to the nations. Whether through the work of our hands, the utilization of our spiritual gifts/talents/abilities, the communication of a smile, hug or our spanglish or even having the opportunity to present the Gospel in Word and deed - our prayer is that God was honored and glorified in both of our teams. I consider it such a blessing to be able to lead these teams and serve alongside our students.

Wildwood has been providing this opportunity for our students to go on mission in Nicaragua for the last six years and I pray for many more to come. This mission has truly been a turning point for so many of our students through the years. Some have received Christ, others baptized and still others hearing God's calling to full-time service on the mission field for their future.

Our partnership and friendship with the Buzbees/Farringtons and Open Hearts Ministry has been so unique and rewarding. Our thoughts and prayers will continue to be poured out for their ministry and for the Kingdom work in Nicaragua. We consider it a privilege to be able to partner with them each and every summer.

There are so many more thoughts, stories, prayer requests and praises that need to be posted that I probably will need to come back for another update as God continues to work in our hearts and allow us to process what we saw, felt and experienced.

My prayer for our students is that they would realize that the mission never ends. What God has done in our hearts in Nicaragua should continue to spill out of our lives right here in Tallahassee. Many thanks to our students who went, our leaders who served, our church and families who supported us and most of all to our God who says, "Go!"

Mission Nicaragua: Day 15

Today was our last full day here in Nicaragua so that always comes with mixed feelings. All of us have been so impacted by our time here that we want to stay, but we know we must return. We will definitely be building some mental 'altars' like they did in the OT to remember the work that God has done in us and through us.

We started off our day by heading down to Los Cedros. For our camp last year, we took 40 kids from Los Cedros who had never been to camp before. So we were blessed to be able to go to the school in Los Cedros (were we have served before in construction) and see many of the kids who went to camp last year. We also took the tour around the community to see the houses we built in '05 and '08 and visit with the families.

After Los Cedros, we loaded up and drove back into town to do our zip line excursion at Tiscapa, which is a national park here in Nicaragua. It featured three really long runs - two over the canopy of trees and one across a lake. We all had a blast!

We also managed to squeeze in time for our annual visit to the market and our team dinner at Dona Haydees. This construction team has really grown closer to the Lord and each other this trip and I consider it such a privilege to have led both these teams down here. We are overwhelmed by the outpouring of the Spirit on our lives and on the mission God had for us here. Please pray for us as we leave in the morning (4am no less) and that we would have safe travels as we return to the States.

Mission Nicaragua: Day 14

Our day got off to a great start after our team devo time with all of us being able to continue to pursue the Lord in time alone with Him in the mornings. Being in such a beautiful place that is free from our normal routine and distractions seems to give God much more space and stillness to speak to each of us through His Spirit and the Word.

We knew today would be a challenging day, knowing we would have some goodbyes to say... again. But it was worth every moment that we got to spend with our Campo kids from Las Brasilles. It was very cool being able to go to their community and to see them at their ministry/feeding center and then to walk around and go to their homes. They were so excited to show us their homes and introduce us to their families. It was also quite humbling, because we got to see the poverty and home situations that they are living in. They didn't really understand that we wouldn't be around and that they would have to wait a year to see us again. But God just opened my eyes to the beauty of the kingdom today. We've formed relationships here in a country in Central America and may not get to see the fruit of the investment or even to build upon the relationships formed. Yet as believers in Christ we have the promise of eternity together. So our goodbyes are really just 'see you laters'!

After our visit we headed over to Casa Robles one last time. I have been really motivated to finish painting the house and we were able to get the majority of the house finished today. We painted the long hallway and the final boys' bedroom. So we are leaving the house with only a little exterior painting in a courtyard and one front bedroom unpainted. It's hard to describe the difficulty of the painting and the size of the house, but praise God we are leaving it in great shape! We always have fun hanging with the Robles' boys and giving them some toys to enjoy when we leave. Again we had to say some goodbyes, or rather see you later!

We managed to make it back to the compound for a little swim time which we proudly continued our tradition of a guys game of animal ball. Any of our mission alumni know the fun and the pain of this pool game! Then after dinner, we had another annual tradition of the clothing sort and fashion show. We managed to get all the clothes bagged and sorted and are leaving close to 1,000 pounds of clothing and shoes for the ministry here! Praise God!

So we had a pretty huge day as our last work day here. Tomorrow is our tour day and we are trying to jam pack it full of some visits around town and some fun. This team definitely deserves the day off as it has been some long days of work and investment in the Kingdom. God is working and feel so blessed to be able to join His work here in Nicaragua and are continually humbled that He would choose to use us!

Mission Nicaragua: Day 13

I woke up thinking about the last images of the campers leaving Campo Alegria. It was such a powerful and emotional moment. The kids had their faces either pressed to the windows or had their heads sticking out of the windows with arms outstretched. I can only imagine what was being processed as they had to say goodbye. But we sent them out in true Nicaragua fashion as we chased the bus out of camp.

But after the kids left and we returned to the compound, we were looking at a new day as we turned the corner from a massive group effort where teamwork, purpose and the priority of the children was paramount to more individual time before the Lord. God took me to Matthew 23 and spoke to my heart as I challenged our team to move into a closer evaluation of our hearts before the Lord for the remainder of our time here. And so God began a good work last night during our group and family group time. But with God working, many of us felt Satan rising up against us. The spiritual battle has definitely intensified.

Today we made our pilgrimage to La Chureca (the dump) where we saw the sights, smells and got to engage up close - away from the comfort of the bus. We walked around to see first hand the living conditions. And then God opened our eyes as we climbed the hill to see the bigger picture of the dump. As I looked out and saw the masses of people rummaging through the trash, God reminded me of the verse in Matthew 9 where Jesus describes the crowd He saw as sheep - harassed and helpless without a shepherd. My heart just began to ache with a desire to help the people find the Shepherd who can lead them to life!

After our time in the dump and visiting the school, we loaded up to visit Sister Ruby, who lives and ministers just outside the dump. God definitely met us there and had a word for all of us during our time of worship and prayer. Our heart and faith was challenged to be bold on this journey God has called us join Him on. We are so grateful to Ruby for her ministry and her obedience to be used by God during our team's visit.

God wasn't finished with us yet as the camp team transformed into the construction team for the remainder of the day. We went over to Casa Robles (the boys home) to continue the massive painting project that was begun by our construction team. We were able to make great progress by painting the kitchen, master bedroom, one child's room and the exterior planters, walls and entry doors. It's hard to believe that there is still more to paint, but both teams have done amazing work there and that house has been truly transformed. We also had a great time playing with the boys and were blown away by their gratitude for our work.

Tomorrow we are so excited to be able to reconnect with our campo kids as we travel to their community of Las Brasilles. We will hopefully get to see them at their feeding program and also visit with some of the families. God truly knit our hearts together and we are excited to continue to build on the relationships that began at camp.

We appreciate the continued prayer support of our church, our student ministry, our families and the supporters of Mission Nicaragua! We love you all and will see you soon!

Mission Nicaragua: Day 9-12

The anticipated update is finally here. The internet at Campo Alegria wasn't working so I'll have to do a multi-day update tonight. I'm sure it will be lacking details as we are all running off very little sleep from an awesome time at camp.

I departed on Friday to join our camp team while our construction team finished some construction/roofing/painting projects in Los Cedros. Then on their final day they were able to go back to Casa Robles and dedicate the house and pray with the children and house parents. After their visit they had their 'tour' day and got to visit Volcan Messiah and the city of Grenada. We praise God for the work He did in and through our construction team and for also taking them safely back to the States.

About two and a half hours from Managua, forty children from Las Brasilles made the journey to Campo Alegria. Our construction team built a home in Las Brasilles in 2004 so we do have some connections to that community, but all of the kids were new to us and all were brand new to camp. They arrived for orientation and the relationships began to form as we divided them into their teams for the week. Little did we know what God had in store.

As the camp progressed I was able to learn more about these kids and the homes/situations they come from. Hearing so many stories of abuse, abandonment, missing fathers, lack of education and forced labor was heartbreaking. It was no surprise many of the children had trouble with the structure of camp and just listening in their center time. But God broke through in a powerful way as time went on.

I must brag on our students on this camp team for their preparation and leadership in the areas of arts/crafts, drama, Bible, music, sports and being team leaders. God has blessed them all with not only a heart for children, but has given them some spiritual gifts and talents that they used for His glory this week. Some of the camp highlights were swimming in Lake Nicaragua, the awesome water slide, hearing them learn and recite their Bible verses, watching them sing and praise God and of course our famous last morning polar bear swim.

It's amazing how quickly we all bonded and formed relationships with the children. I just couldn't help thinking what this time at camp meant to them. To be removed from some tough home situations and to come to such a beautiful place, be fed three meals a day (with seconds!), hear the Word of God, join in worship and make friends with a group of gringos from the States made for a super camp.

Even though 5am came really early everyday and we had some challenging moments - God did a great work at camp. And God gave us a glimpse into the seeds that were planted in these kids lives as we gave them their backpacks today (loaded with school supplies, t-shirt, toothbrush/paste and even a toy) and their faces actually showed hope, gratitude and emotion. In fact, it was an emotional day for all of us as we had to say our goodbyes.

Hopefully as we all take some time in our group time to process camp we can give a more detailed update and recap to the camp experience. But there is no doubt that we are all walking away changed. Please join us in praying for these children as they have returned home - that God would seal this experience in their hearts and minds - and that He would especially continue the work He has begun!